Thursday, March 31, 2016
Outside of Marriage
We have a young single adult in our ward that belongs to a family we know and love. She is pregnant and unmarried. This is knowledge that we have not willingly provided to the children, nor made extra effort to keep the information from them. One day, our 10-year-old son asked:
K: Mom, Ann (name changed) is pregnant?
M: Yes, she is.
K: How can Ann be pregnant when she's not married?
M: That is an excellent question. Let's go in my room to talk about it. You know how a baby is created.
K: Well, yeah!
M: You know it takes a man and a women to create a baby.
K: Of course!
M: Do you remember when we talked about how sex feels good and it's an important part of a relationship?
K: Yes. I remember that a little bit.
M: Well, because sex feels good, sometimes it's hard for people to wait until getting married to have sex. They make a choice to do it when they feel like they want to, rather than waiting for marriage.
K: But mom, what will happen now?
M: What do you think will happen?
K: Who will be the baby's dad?
M: I don't know. I think Ann is going to be raising this baby on her own.
K: That's sad!
M: Well, that's the consequence of the choice she made. It's going to be hard, but she will figure things out.
K: I'm glad I have you and dad.
M: Me too. I'm glad dad and I were able to make choices that gave us you children after we were married.
K: I'm glad to have a mom and a dad.
M: I'm glad I waited until your dad and I were married too because we have been able to make our marriage stronger through expressing our love to each other in that special way. It's more than just for making babies and having those babies in a family. It's for making a strong marriage.
K: I remember that.
M: Do you think that Ann's mom and dad love her less now that she's pregnant and not married?
K: Well, no. They probably still love her a lot.
M: Do you think that they will love her no matter what choices she makes?
M: Me too. Do you know that no matter what choices you make in life, I will still love you....and dad?
M: Of course, we are supposed to teach you as best we can what is right, but you have the responsibility to make your own choices. But, we will love you no matter what choices you make.
K: I'm glad. I love you.
M: I love you too.
I didn't realize that the end of this conversation would be a testimony of the centrality of our love for him (and all our children), that our love isn't based on what choices he makes. I felt guided near the end of the conversation. I wasn't really prepared for this question, but the course of the conversation was definitely guided by heaven. Every conversation I have like this with these beautiful spirits Heavenly Father sent to our home also reminds of what He must feel for me. My testimony is nurtured as much as my children's testimonies are nurtured.