Tuesday, October 6, 2015

A Friend Obsessed with S-E-X

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Our 9-year-old son wanted me to drive him to karate because he had something on his mind. He wanted to talk. I know I've said before how much I love having a drive with just him because it's a good opportunity for him to open up. Here is the conversation:

K: Mom, Bob (friend's name has been changed) is obsessed with S-E-X.
Me: Really, what makes you say that. You can say the word, too. You don't have to spell it. (He's already starting to feel that discomfort that comes with this age. I'm so glad we've already had some of the "tougher" conversations. Although, they don't feel tough when we're in the moment, discussing them at home. They feel right.)
K: He wants to talk about it all the time.
M: Oh. Does he talk about it a lot at recess (that's the only time our son interacts with this particular friend)?
K: Yeah, and at lunch. We play this baby game (where they pretend to be babies and have a "mom" who takes care of them. I bet they make annoying babies....). One day he started talking about how you make babies (boy am I glad we already had this conversation with him). He said that the penis goes in and out of the girl's part.
M: Well, yes. The penis does kind of rub to encourage the sperm to come out. That is probably what he's talking about because rubbing would be going in and out.
K: Oh. Okay.
Me: How did you feel talking about this with Bob?
K: I didn't like it.
Me: Why not?
K: It felt like the wrong place to talk about it.
Me: Yeah. It's something that's very special. Was Bob talking about it in a special way?
K: No.
Me: I'm glad you asked about it.
K: Yeah, me too.
Me: Has Bob ever showed you pictures or videos about sex?
K: No.
Me: That's good because that wouldn't be appropriate.
K: I know.
Me: What can you do if you're uncomfortable? Do you know that you don't have to keep playing the game or can ask your friends to do something different.
K: Yeah.
Me: That uncomfortable feeling is the Holy Ghost telling you that you need to do something else.
K: Yeah.
Me: Sometimes it's hard to tell your friends you don't feel comfortable, but you can always say you don't want to do something and suggest another game or idea.
K: Yeah. I can try that.

Note: We have talked a lot about choosing good friends. This particular friend moved away this week. K recognized that he wasn't a great friend, but wasn't sure how to end the friendship. He still missed him because he was a friend, but we've talked about other kids in his class that he might be able to make friends with and how to decide who might make a good friend.

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