Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Let's Find an Answer!

I had a great time last night teaching at Bingham Creek Library. Thanks to those who came! We answered questions like these!! Tonight I'll be teaching in Davis County, Centerville LIbrary at 45 S 400 W Centerville, UT. (6:30-8 pm).


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Sex is the Sugar


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This summer I was able to go to Girl's Camp with the youth at our church. I was asked to speak about dating and chastity. I love teaching about these topics, but I usually teach adults. I came up with some ideas for the youth. One of the analogies for sex, relationships, and dating used cookies. I had all the ingredients to make cookies, plus homemade chocolate chip cookies as an example of the end product. I started off by asking the girls which they would rather have:

A cookie or plain sugar?

Of course, 99% of the girls chose cookies.

Why?

Because cookies are more satisfying! I'll keep the analogy simple here because my point is beyond the analogy.

The analogy was that when we date, we gather all our ingredients for our cookies (or the traits we want in a marital partner). We learn what we like best and what traits go best with our goal (like finding all the ingredients for our favorite cookie). Then, when we're ready for marriage, we mix all the ingredients together and find that one person that creates our most satisfying relationship (the cookie!).

Well, I used sex as the sugar in our cookies. After the presentation one of the adults told me I should have used vanilla as the sex part of our cookie analogy because it smells good, but doesn't taste good. I disagreed.

Here's my point: Sex is the SUGAR!!!!! It does taste good by itself (just like sex feels good, even without a relationship. Our bodies were meant to enjoy this particular type of touch). But, just like cookies are more satisfying when the sugar is mixed with other ingredients, we are more satisfied in our spirit and body when we are able to enjoy sex within the context of a marital union. We can eat sugar all by itself, but most people don't crave sugar; they crave the desserts that are enhanced by sugar. We can have sex all by itself, without a relationship, but most people crave the long lasting relationship that is enhanced by sex.

I fear that often we teach youth that sex is not good, unless it is in a marital relationship (rather than that sex is good when it is used to enhance a marital relationship). Then, they wonder why they are so overcome with cravings. They wonder why they are sexually attracted to another person or fear they are being unrighteous just because they are having feelings of sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is not the sin. Arousing sexual feelings in another person or yourself is the sin. Sex is good, but it is designed to enhance the marital experience. These feelings are GOOD! They just need put on the counter until all the ingredients are in place to make the most wonderful dessert that is sweet AND satisfying. Keep the tone positive for our youth! Sex is the SUGAR!!!!

Sunday, September 6, 2015

How Does it Know?

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I can't imagine telling our oldest everything he's been learning about sex and relationships in one sitting, let alone him remembering it all. I was going to sit the kids down for a pre-school discussion about some age appropriate sex topics. For our daughter, this is going to happen in the next week or so (she's 6 years old, almost 7). It's not so pre-school at this point, but I am waiting for the right moment with her.

Our son (9 years old) has been asking a lot of questions and I realize he already remembers most of the facts about sex and babies. We're moving on to other topics and questions that are more in depth. We've decided that he is asking a lot of questions on his own now. They show his understanding of previous concepts and processes. He's learning line upon line. So, we are not going to have a sit down conversation with him at this point. We feel like he is bringing us moments and we will use those now to guide our discussions. I love having the questions come from him. I know what he's thinking and wondering about when he starts a discussion.

Yesterday, he came to me.

K: "Mom?"
Me: "Yes."
K: "I have a question."
Me: "Okay."
K: "It's one of those private questions."
Me: "Okay. Let me check on your brother and sister and then we'll go to my room."
K: "Okay."

I love that he understands this information is not secret, but private. He knows his sister will be learning some of it soon, but that he is privileged to know more right now, as he is older. He takes this privilege seriously and has not shared the information with his sister, but is allowing our conversations to be between him and us.

Me: "What's your question?"
K: "You know about babies, how they are born?"
Me: "Yes."
K: "Well, how do they know it's time to come out?"
Me: "Are you wondering how babies know it's time to be born?"
K: "No. You know how you pee and you feel like you need to pee. Is that the same way for the sperm to come out? How do they know it's time to come out?"
Me: "Oh. I understand what you are asking now. That's a really good question. Yes, it's a little like when you feel you need to pee. You know how sometimes your penis is soft and small and sometimes it gets a little bigger?"
K: "Yeah."
Me: "Well, when it's soft and small, it's usually used for peeing and your body tells you that you need to go to the bathroom. You can feel that you need to pee. When it's bigger and feels a little different, there's a time when your body knows it's going to let out some sperm. It feels a little different from peeing, but it's kind of the same idea. Your body tells you it's going to happen."
K: "Okay."
I could tell he was ready for more information and in a moment where I could teach him something a little more, so I took the opportunity.
Me: "You know how we talked about how a woman has two little balls that are called ovaries and that's where the eggs live before they come through the tubes into the uterus?"
K: "Yes."
Me: "Well, there's a special place in a boy's body where sperm are made. You have those testicles, or sometimes I call it your sack."
K: "Yes."
Me: "Those sacks make sperm. There are little tubes that take the sperm up from the sack into the penis. Then, they come out when it's time."
K: "Oh! That's neat!"

I can tell he's really understanding all this information. It isn't gross. It's interesting to him. It doesn't make him more interested in participating in sex right now because he doesn't have the drive for it yet, but he is fascinated with the process. The questions he's asking are showing that's he's understanding previous information and is ready to build on what he's already learned. We've been having more discussions in our home about the blessings of having children and why they are important to us too. This is adding part of the relationship component to the physical and biological processes. I feel so empowered being able to be the one to have these conversations with my children. I don't have to fear what the world will teach them because I am the one doing the teaching!