Tuesday, July 21, 2015
We had some good talks recently with our 9-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter. It started like this:
Hubby walked into the bathroom to find our two youngest with their pants down. Our 6-year-old daughter quickly pulled hers up. The 3-year-old didn't care that he was half naked. Our 9-year-old was in the bathroom with his clothes on. Wow! I have a fantastic hubby that calmly asked what was going on. Our 3-year-old said they had a secret touchy club. My husband talked to them about respect for bodies and why we keep our bodies clothed.
Later, I had separate conversations with each child. I started with our six-year-old.
Me: How did you feel about the secret touchy club?
A: I didn't like it.
Me: Do you know why you didn't like it?
A: No. I just didn't like it.
Me: You body is very special and who can look at and touch your body?
A: Me and you and dad and the doctor.
Me: Why is your body special?
A: Because our body is a very special temple for our spirit and certain parts need to stay covered.
Me: Yes. I know you love your big brother. But, you can always say no to something that makes you uncomfortable, even if it's someone you love that asks you to do it.
A: I won't play that game anymore. I don't like it.
Me: Has this game ever happened before?
A: One other time at Anna's house (name changed; this was an adult's house where my husband and I were spending time with our friends and the kids were in another room playing this game. It was only our children. As I had other conversations with our children we figured out what was happening. Our oldest came up with this game and it wasn't anything beyond "playing doctor." I do have to say that I was a little concerned that someone had done something to him to start this game. It turns out, he's just starting to get curious about girls' bodies. This is normal for this age, but he now knows how to appropriately ask about girls' bodies.).
Me: How did you feel about playing the game there?
A: I didn't like it there either.
Me: How do you feel now?
A: I feel a lot better now that you know and I don't want to play it again.
Me: If someone asks you to play it again, what will you do?
A: I will ask to play a different game.
Me: What if they don't want to play a different game?
A: I will play something else.
Me: By yourself?
A: I guess.
Me: It's better that you play by yourself than a game that's inappropriate.
Me: You also should tell mom or dad if someone asks you to play a game like that, even if you didn't play.
A: Okay. I feel lots better now.
Me: I'm glad. I love you.
Stay tuned for Part 2.........Talking with the 9-year-old culprit!!!