Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Indifferent to Inquisitive

Part 2 of the Touchy Club - 

If you didn't read part one, this is what happened:

Hubby walked into the bathroom to find our two youngest with their pants down. Our 6-year-old daughter quickly pulled hers up. The 3-year-old didn't care that he was half naked. Our 9-year-old was in the bathroom with his clothes on. Wow! I have a fantastic hubby that calmly asked what was going on. Our 3-year-old said they had a secret touchy club. My husband talked to them about respect for bodies and why we keep our bodies clothed.
Later, I had separate conversations with each child. I started with our six-year-old (part 1). Here is my conversation with our 9-year-old:

Me: What gave you the idea to start a touchy club?
K: I don't know. 
Me: (I just kept waiting......I knew he had a reason and wasn't ready to tell me yet. I figured if I just waited, he would tell me. 
K: Well, we were bored and didn't have anything to do so we made a secret touchy club.
Me: Do we have secrets in our family?
K: Not really. 
Me: We have surprises, where someone is going to find out soon. We don't have secrets where no one is ever going to find out. 
K: I know. 
Me: Are you interested in what a girl's body looks like?
K: Not really. Well, what are those (pointing to my breasts. I didn't realize it had been so long since I was breastfeeding and that was a regular topic in our house). 
Me: Those are my breasts. Do you remember what they are for? 
K: For feeding babies. 
Me: (At this point I knew he really was interested in a girl's body and he was just not sure it was okay to be interested.) It's okay to be interested in other people's bodies. It's okay to be curious. 
K: Oh. 
Me: Every body is different and girl's bodies are different from boy's bodies. Do you know why they are different? 
K: So we know which one is which? He thought about it for a minute and said, "Oh, so we can have babies!"
Me: Yes, absolutely! Those parts of our bodies that are different from each other are special because one day they will be used to create babies. We keep them sacred by showing reverence for them and covering them. 
K: Okay. 
Me: If you are ever curious about a girl's body, you can ask me or your dad. 
K: Okay. What are those little parts on the outside? 
Me: (I knew he was talking about the female genitalia.) The bumpy part with the crack in the middle?
K: Yes. 
Me: Those are called the labia. 
K: Labia. Oh. 
Me: Any other questions (boy did I get an earful!)?

This simple question turned into a barrage of questions, some had to do with sexuality and the body and others did not. Here is a sample:

Why do people date?
How long do they date before they get married?
How does a baby taste in the uterus?
Do smoking or drinking hurt a baby in the uterus?
How do drugs affect a baby in the uterus?
How long is a baby in the uterus?
How do I know what age of girl I should marry?
What is God's plan if I don't get married?

I'm not going to put all these conversations and answers here because that would be a long post. I can tell you that since he finally decided to be inquisitive, rather than just absorb everything we've said, I ask him a lot more often if he has any questions. He has started asking me a lot of questions and I realize that he is getting ready to understand puberty in more detail. He will be 10 years old in a few months and we will begin those conversations as we feel he is ready and the timing is right.

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