Monday, September 29, 2014

I Only See the Way You Look Tonight



I was driving in the car the other day when this song came on by Blake Shelton called "My Eyes." It has a very sweet, romantic feel. I was hearing this song for the first time. It sounded like a very loving song, but as I listened to the lyrics I started to feel a little uncomfortable. Even if the song has a nice beat and sweet feel, it can still make the spirit leave. I realize that many teenagers don't think a lot about the words to the songs they listen to sometimes. Other times, they have specific songs they like because of the lyrics. It's important to teach them to pay attention to the lyrics of ALL songs. Let's consider the lyrics of this song:

Those high heels with that sun dress
Turquoise heart hanging 'round your neck
Red lips like wine, wanna drink 'em up
And keep on drinkin' 'til you make me drunk

Tied up hair, wanna let it down
And just let the rest fall to the ground
You take beautiful to the max
Can't help myself when you look like that

Come a little closer, come a little closer
Come a little closer, girl the way you look tonight
My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you

Come a little closer, come a little closer
Come a little closer, love the way you look tonight
My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you

There's a million stars dancing in the sky
A picture perfect moon so bright
But I don't care, I'm looking at you
From where I stand you can't beat the view

Come a little closer, come a little closer
Come a little closer, girl the way you look tonight
My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you

Come a little closer, come a little closer
Come a little closer, love the way you look tonight
My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you

My eyes have seen
Some amazing things
But girl, my eyes ain't seen
Nothing quite like you, hey baby

Come a little closer, come a little closer
Come a little closer, girl the way you look tonight
My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you

Come a little closer, come a little closer
Come a little closer, love the way you look tonight
My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you

Come a little closer, come a little closer
Come a little closer, love the way you look tonight
My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you!


The lyrics of the song are sweet, but if you really think about the message, you get a different story. This song is ONLY talking about the way this girl looks. It has nothing to do with love. You can ask your teen a few questions when a song like this comes on the radio:

"This song seems like it's romantic and about love. How do you know he really loves the girl he's singing to?" (Answer: YOU DON'T! He's only singing about wanting to sleep with her because she looks good). 

"How does this song make you feel?" "How do you think this singer is trying to make you feel?" 

"What message are you getting from this song?"

"If you think this song is about love, what does he love about this girl?" (The way she LOOKS!). 

"What do you think is going to happen after the girl in this song does what he wants because she thinks he loves her?"

For boys, you might want to try and ask what this song would feel like if it was a girl singing about a guy. You could also do this with your daughter as well. It gives them something to think about. Ways to talk with your children about sex and relationships are abundant in the world. They saturate your child's life every day. If there is something you want to talk to your teen about and you aren't sure how to bring it up, find a social medium you could use to illustrate the point you want to make. Then, ask more questions than give answers!


Friday, September 12, 2014

What about a Spaghetti Strap Shirt?

I recently had the beginning of the school year sex reminder/pornography talk with our 8-year-old son (soon to be 9-year-old). Besides going over the basics of pregnancy, how a baby is born, and how it gets in the uterus, we added a mini-discussion where we mentioned the term "pornography" for the first time. I'll share our discussion here in hopes that it will prompt you to pray about what your child needs to know right now.

Note: I've had some friends express their disappointment that I have abridged my discussions with my children to omit a lot of the content that expressly deals with how the act of sex occurs. I've left it out because I figure you know the process. But, I realize now that many of you want to know how someone else is saying the words to their child. That said, this is the UNABRIDGED version of our discussion with our son. You can tell he's familiar with talking with us by the questions we asked. This was the first time he seemed a tad bit embarrassed to be having this discussion, but about 45 seconds into our discussion he was totally at ease. 

MD (for mom and dad; it doesn't matter who was saying it): Here's that book we've discussed before. Can you tell me what you remember about how a baby is created?

K: Well, I already know all about the baby growing. You just want to know what I remember about the other part, right? 

MD: Yes, what do you remember about how a baby got started? 

K: I remember what happens, but I can't remember the names. 

MD: Dads have what?

K: Speck or something. 

MD: Sperm. 

K: Moms have an egg.

MD: Yes, called an ovum. 

K: Dads put their penis in the vulva.

MD: A part of the vulva called the vagina. Remember, it's the birth canal where the baby is born. What is this called?

K: I can't remember.

MD: Sex. 

K: Oh yeah. 

MD: Remember, the uterus is like a balloon. There's only one opening. Dads use their penis to get sperm in the uterus through that opening. Then, the egg and sperm can meet and a baby can start. The uterus gets bigger, like a balloon, as the baby grows. Then, when it's time for the baby to be born, it comes out that opening. 

K: I remember that. Can my body do that right now?

MD: Excellent question (and what a surprise too)! Your body has all the pieces it needs to be able to make a baby, but it can't quite make a baby yet. There are some things that will happen with your body as you mature that will make it more like daddy's body. When this happens your body will be able to create a baby. 

K: Oh. 

NOTE: This was a very brief introduction to puberty. He is almost 9 years old, so this is a very appropriate time frame for him to be curious about his body. This will also be my lead in when I start having discussions with him about puberty. I'll probably say, "Do you remember when you asked if your body was able to make a baby right now......." It's a great set up for future pubertal conversations that we'll have next year at the beginning of the school year. 

MD: Sex is a very good thing for moms and dads. It's a special way for them to show they love each other. It's only for married men and women. It's a wonderful thing, but many people talk about it like it's bad. We want you to know it's a very good thing, but it's something that happens at a special time in your life after you're married. What do you do if a child comes up to you and says, "She wants to have sex with you?" (I was pointing to a pretend person.)

K: Say, I don't like that. 

MD: Yes, you could tell them you know that's not appropriate and tell an adult. What should you do if someone wants to show you pictures of naked or inappropriately dressed people, men or women? 

K: I would not look.

MD: And.....

K: Tell mom or dad.

MD: Yes. We definitely want to know if this happens. They might even try to make you look or make fun of you. But, they are not good friends if they make fun of you for a making a wise choice. Even if you are interested and take a look before you walk away, we want to know. We won't be mad at you. We just want to be able to help you make wise choices. 

K: What about Spaghetti Straps? My friends wear spaghetti straps and that's not modest. 

MD: Great question. Do you find yourself always looking at your friend's straps, or paying to what she's saying and doing? 

K: What we're doing. 

MD: Then you don't need to worry about it right now if you're paying attention to your friend and not her clothes. If you find yourself paying attention to her clothes more than her, you should probably find something else to do. You nicely tell her you need to go home now to play. Or, you can invite another friend to play and see if that takes your mind off her clothes. 

K: Okay. 

NOTE: We want our children to not judge other children for the clothes they wear or things they do. That, of course, doesn't mean they should do and wear the things their friends are wearing and doing. We want them to learn to look to themselves for how they can change their environment to be comfortable and invite the spirit. We live in the south, which is HOT. This means that we are surrounded by inappropriate clothing. It's impossible for our young children to not have friends that wear immodest clothing. It's a good opportunity to teach them about how they are reacting to their surroundings. If it doesn't bother them yet, they can just continue playing. They are not sexually stimulated by it, so it hasn't become possible pornography.