Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Writing Sex in Your Child's Heart at the Right Time


Sex experts say that children hear about sex by the time they are in third grade, whether you have talked with them or not. Most of the time, they hear about it at school from other children. They can also hear about it from television or other media sources.

Let's consider:
What do you want your child's first exposure to sex to look like?
What do you want them to hear?
What do you want them to feel?
What do you want them to know?

Well, if you don't tell them first, you are leaving it up to someone else to answer those questions. I'll give you an example:

My friend's little first grade daughter, Ann (not her real name) came home from school one day very upset. She had been sent to see the Vice Principal and felt that she was in trouble. She is the kind of child to do everything she's supposed to, ALL the time. She never got in trouble at school. She is polite and kind. After a lot of crying the story finally came out. Another first grade boy was standing at recess with a friend (also a boy). Ann was talking to them. One of the boys said, "I want to have sex with you!" Ann had no idea what that meant, but she figured it was something bad by the way he said it. She didn't know what it was, so she went off to find some other kids because the boys made her feel uncomfortable. Another little girl had heard the exchange and told her teacher. Ann was sent to the vice principal's office with the two boys. The vice principal was trying to find out what had happened. The boys kept denying they said anything. Ann didn't understand what "sex" meant, so she didn't understand what was really happening and why it was so important. She just understood that it was BAD! She thought she had done something wrong. She got sent to the principal's office and that was associated with bad, especially because the boys that made her uncomfortable were there. No one called her mother or father to tell them what was going on. Ann got off the bus from school sobbing. It took a long time for her to calm down and explain to her mother what had happened. As you can imagine, her mother was FURIOUS (wouldn't you be?). The most maddening part was that the school had not called to inform her what was going on so she could help soften the bad feelings Ann was receiving.

Now, think about these questions again.
What do you want your child's first exposure to sex to look like?
What do you want them to hear?
What do you want them to feel?
What do you want them to know?
Most important: What spiritual message are you going to convey that they will not get elsewhere?

If Ann had already known about sex, she could have said, "That's not appropriate. I know what that is." Then, gone and got a teacher's help if she felt it was necessary. If you are consistently praying about when it's appropriate to talk with your child, or staying in tune with your feelings about the right time, you will be able to talk to your kids before they have an experience that will convey a worldly attitude about sex.

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